A perpetrator committed such an act very recently, attacking the fabric of our society with a pair of serrated shears. I fear that the culprit was one of us. The act occurred right on my doorstep . . . no, it was not a burning bag of dog crap. It was much, much worse.
Maria (left) and Fred (right)
Some of you may recall last year, when I sent out a plaintive email decrying the kidnapping of Maria, the flamingo who lived in my yard. I loved Maria platonically and Fred, her companion, loved her carnally. Fred and I – especially Fred – were devastated by the loss. I called for anyone to reply with information concerning Maria’s abduction, but no one produced a shred of evidence. I know there were doubters of my email – recipients who mused, I bet Jeb just lost the flamingo, or it blew away in a stiff wind – and I say now that I bear no grudge against you. The horror of Maria’s now-disfigured condition has outstripped my resentment of misplaced skepticism.
Yes, Maria is back. The perpetrator returned her to my yard during the night of December 14. But the Maria who reappeared in my yard next to Fred had a gaping hole in her side, no head and only one leg. The physical dismemberment, mental trauma and emotional beating Maria endured have changed her. Now she collects water when it rains, flaps around in the wind and Fred intimates that there have been other changes as well.
Maria has received the finest orthopedic and cosmetic care known to medicine, but the damage is permanent. Perpetrator, beware – Maria will be filing actions for battery and false imprisonment, and Fred, who has shown no renewed interest in Maria despite his long frustration, will be suing for loss of consortium. Their odds for recovery are deemed excellent.
I am too distraught to sue, and for a law student that’s saying something. I have been disillusioned by the occurrence of such a soul-stripping crime on my own doorstep, and disillusioned by what a shallow asshole Fred is being about the whole thing. I’m glad we’re on Christmas Break; I just don’t think I could handle Athens anymore. Every time I see Maria’s new wooden head and green foreleg I just break down.
